in the blind

yearning for starry starlit skies to set my fragile universe in motion
wishing for reality to come soon and fantasy to reside on the moon
wondering when the acoustic melody would meet its destined symphony
remembering tenderness and gentleness in the warmth of a silken touch and sunny smile
hoping for the best and working for the best with renewed faith and enthusiasm
living vibrantly, deliberately, fully to finally embrace growing, learning, harvesting
loving deeply, passionately, honestly with no delay, no distance, no distress

f a r a p a r t

she hummed herself a lullaby

he strummed himself an acoustic melody

she hugged herself for warmth

he warmed himself with memories

she amused herself watching rain drops

he gathered himself courage from falling rain

she cheered herself with funny antics

he carried himself to dreams long past and upcoming

she stopped herself from wandering

he pushed himself into trying

(k) NOT (s)

- shed not a tear for the lonely minute - wonder not on the fate of a single raindrop - fear not the unanswered questions on your mind - hold not the past long gone - ask not the fury of the raging storm - look not at the landscapes of the human logic - sing not a lullaby for some dreamless wanderings - seek not the fulfillment of temporal yearnings - cling not to promises which may be broken - create not the rudiments of chaos - break not the cyclic rhythmn of the seasons - build not foundations made on dust and distance - cry not for the sad requiem - laugh not for this childish struggling - walk not the path wide open - dream not the vision of perfection - embrace not the uncertain freedom - surrender not the pure and perfectly crafted gift of loving - hope not for the pain of losing - put faith only in the beauty of giving, breathing, sharing, living -

just asking

can you taste
curiousity?

can you own
a sanctuary?

can you kiss
a melody?

can you hug
a memory?

can you contain
a symphony?

ask
and you
shall receive

seek
and you
shall find

. . . with longing . . .

a composition in my mind
runs thus -
while tonight the thunderstorms
banished the stars from view
only the wind, gushing
came to tell of you -

whispering many gentle secrets
it filled me with
delight
not even the mingling of
warmth and chill
dampened the night

somewhere,
breaking
the barriers
of distance
i long for you
and i know
i already
have you

~('o')~

hey, diddle!

stretched alone to slumber, by myself i wonder and as my thoughts did wander, i reached for my toes and giggled

climbing up on a sturdy loft, i hugged and held on as slumber took and we traveled to places unknown

swinging to idle seconds until they turn to minutes, minutes into hours and hours melted the day away

sitting down we were connected souls, content in the moment we have and though wishing for more, we were oblivious to other sights and sounds

waking from its slow blooming, silence crept and made known its uninvited presence

wrapped in silken folds of mystery, cradled in shifting lights of soliloquy, the essence of purity is found in simple discovery

light, feathery white threads of fragile moments, memories and magic came flowing, freeing, settling over my silent self

some thoughts and dreams too ephemeral to hold are much like crafted sandcastles on the shores of our awakening

what bliss there is in peaceful sleep, renewing the body and mind, discarding restless meanderings, and looking forward to the promised thaw

rest my soul to the sound of rain, rest my mind to the wonder of dreams, tomorrow is a new day and i begin again

give

the only thing
we ever have
is
what we give
away.

if you must give, open your palms wide as if you're being embraced. but, if you must take, open your palms far wider so that you could embrace back.

if you must give, open your eyes wide, sensing the need or the want in someone that perhaps only you can provide at that moment. but, if you must take, because of your own need or want, open your eyes wider so that you could discern that others are needing, wanting and hurting as you do.

if you must give, open your heart wide, freely sharing what is pure and wonderful to flow from yours to someone else. but, if you must take, open your heart far wider, so that you could bless another in deep gratitude.

if you must give, open your spirit to welcoming someone into your own sanctuary, right into your own essential humanity. but, if you must take, open your spirit far wider, so that you can welcome yourself into your own humanity and thereby taking with you others needing as much warmth and welcome as you do.

be still

it's a bliss to pause for a while; to steady the hurried life that keeps passing by; to hold down time and offer it rest; to narrow down infinity then watch it merge into eternity… it's a bliss to stop, not at some demands, but simply to touch base with what matters; to connect with our inner selves and halt the raging turbulence; to enfold life's gargantuan tasks in a momentary embrace… it's a bliss to welcome stillness, to engage in something simple but meaningful; to bring forth what is pure and beautiful; to assess and admire the blessings given by both tragedies and triumphs… it's a bliss to listen as silence speaks, its lucidity declaring its clarity; its tranquility manifesting its simplicity… it’s a bliss to place my heart in the palms of my hands and ask God to hold it awhile, while He yet determines to breathe life into it yet… as the Maker molds my fragile heart, He brings the peace that comes with bliss...

"kawangis"

likha ng Dakilang Ama
nililok ng pag-ibig
sa katotohan nakasandig;
sinubok ng pagkakataon
hinubog ng panahon;
pinalakas ng pawis, sipag at tyaga
pinagtibay ng pananampalataya;

Dakilang Ama,
at kanyang nilikha
sumibol sa pag-ibig
-kawangis-

open up!

if you want to experience beauty, allow the bud to take its time to bloom, caress it with the tenderness in your eyes, and soon it will unfold its petals.

if you want to experience change, marvel at the process of how a caterpillar metamorphose into a delicate butterfly.

if you want to experience silence, comb the beach barefoot and watch the waves dance; climb a mountain and find shelter under a blanket of skies; still your inner turbulence and listen to your heart beat.

if you want to experience life, open your mind and yourself to alternatives and possibilities; variety and unpredictability; chances and challenges.

the most pleasant of all experiences of beauty, change, silence and life is not your own, but the ones which God generously provides.

i Yield

teach me to care like dewdrops that water the roots teach me to shelter like the embrace of leafy branches teach me to smile like the sunshine in your eyes teach me to dance like the undulating gyrations of the ocean teach me to magnify like the stars that light up the night teach me to wonder like the new-born babe in its mother's arms teach me to understand like the silent transcendence of the skies teach me to love like the rain of your laughter teach me to live like the flora and fauna of the fields teach me Your ways nurture me in your steady embrace above all, love me with the intensity of your emotion ever becoming the wonderful tide of reason in the seasons of my heart.

what's for today?

~('o')~ little flowers were blooming on the concrete pavement alongside a quiet village we passed by. each petal is as unique as the variety in its leaves and as lovely as the various blades of grass that grow with it. ~('o')~ no two clouds were of the same form and shape. they may be the same cirrus, same cumulus, same nimbus types but no two were ever alike. they maybe be fluffy, feathery or just a streak of white, all in their majestic abode in the sky. ~('o')~ sometimes when i'm traveling, i can't help but be amazed at how fast the shades of light would change from sunny to gray to slightly in between. it gives the funny assurance that somehow the Divine is playing with either my moods or His own. ~('o')~ when all is pitch black at night, i look up and amuse myself that when i find twinkling stars God is smiling back. and the message He sends through my beloved makes for a restful night. ~('o')~ enjoy today with everything it has to offer, along with the Giver and Creator of time. today is yesterday’s tomorrow and the only reality we can hold. today does seem like a series of yesterday’s tomorrows continued on again today and will be yesterday’s tomorrow as soon as today unfolds anew.

{{ musings }}

~(‘o’)~ this day unfolding, bringing hope and newness, likened to a nascent bud anticipating bloom. the rain was pouring, welcoming the day with ripples of care and blessing the land with its nourishment. my heart is ready for the embracing, while patiently awaiting the promised thaw. ~(‘o’)~ if i am permitted to create a lively variety in life, i would celebrate, blue summer, pink winter, silver spring and violet autumn. as the lunar and celestial cycles take their appointed turns i will repaint the seasons a different color each time. ~(‘o’)~ soft and gentle whisper, the wind has left its kiss, i giggled and wondered. relaxing, i sighed and know with understanding the message that it brings from the faraway land where i know you’re looking up and blessing me with your care today. ~(‘o’)~ an acoustic melody plays in my mind and the memories i hold are like the movies presenting its fascinating run. each musical strain, each hypnotic beat, the way the guitar sings, a harmony of spirit mingles from mine to yours, coming full circle when yours mingle with mine. ~(‘o’)~ a language with no words, but the emphasis is beautiful in its brevity – the dance moves between, among and within our tortured and triumphant souls, coming and parting, closing and releasing, turning and swirling, its dynamics surprising and unceasing. ~(‘o’)~ if courage were only for the strong, and bravery its natural armor, who then will challenge and conquer the tempests and trials of the changing times and our evolving humanity? who will then end the war against injustice, discrimination, hypocrisy, ignorance, indifference, poverty, criminality and slavery? ~(‘o’)~ today i will welcome solitude, with my mine and its own musings as part of our conversation. i will let solitude receive the warmth of comradeship and the comfort of a friend. if solitude so chooses, it can stay on for the night, listen to my prayers, hopes and little dreams and snuggle under the sheets of tender bliss. for my great redeemer, the author of my life and this article, a resounding praise that no words can convey ~ thank you for the thoughts and these musings. _huggin_

. . . learnings . . .

my gratitude to the author and to the creation, which provided the spark and the kindling for these learnings. _huggin_ And If I Did Not Make Mistakes Written by Katie Paton And if I did not make mistakes And give too brief a thought to heavy questions And too much time to little matter; Or if I always knew which road to travel Where every step would lead me into daylight And if each face that turned to watch me pass Was broken by a smile; Or if whenever I should choose to lay my heart Bare upon the sun-warmed grass, It always was returned with tender touches And carried by a song; And if my heaviest burden were only to be A breeze upon my back, and blossom in my hair, And my brow was never crossed with lines of pain; If all this endless summer were my lot And winter's fury never beat me back, Then I never would have seen the stormy nights Through which I've struggled, fought and won; I never would have known the joy of needed comfort given, Or the essence of a friend.

~('o')~

a blessed gift, learning is. to ignite it is to risk failing or succeeding. to nurture it is to plant the seeds of growth, to be reaped and harvested by time and circumstance. to embrace it daily means changing from moment to moment.

along life’s convoluted ways, along its many facets and its vicissitudes, we find that there is in all of us the primordial element to go through the tempests, the trials and tribulations. evolving and enduring, we survive these and carry with us the moments, memories, mistakes, mementos and miracles which we append to learning, loving and living.

may we always find the reason to keep pace with a reality that teaches, torments, troubles and tests our soul, for in the end, the triumph will be our own. may we always look forward to a plethora of todays, yesterdays and tomorrows to count and recall as we move through life like the destined travellers that we are. may we always have hope that amidst the conflict, confusion and conflagration, there is an Almighty who guides, protects, provides, understands, and creates in us a craftmanship with His very own brand. may we always have faith that the sun warms, the skies enfold, the rain blesses, the tears washes, the laughter imparts, the beauty holds, the mind sharpens, the heart loves and the hands nourishes.

~('o')~

[ choices ]

~('o')~ every day is a moment of choices . . . a choice to live or die; a choice to hurt or heal; a choice to stay or go; a choice to heed or ignore; a choice to inhale or exhale; a choice to fly or fight; a choice to bend or stand; a choice to take or refuse; a choice to agree or argue; a choice to begin or end; a choice to love or hate; a choice to leave or wait; a choice to move or remain; a choice to care or uncare; a choice to break or unbreak; a choice to cry or laugh; a choice to walk or run; a choice to eat or starve; a choice to save or consume; a choice to quit or endure; a choice to do right or do wrong; a choice to be early or late; a choice to be good or be bad; a choice for sun or rain; a choice to bless or curse; a choice to listen or judge; a choice to frown or smile; a choice to kill or sustain; a choice to throw or keep; a choice to hold or unhold; a choice to build or bind; a choice to please or possess; a choice to spit or kiss; a choice to sleep or wake; a choice to sing or dance; a choice to grow or rot; a choice to quench or ignite; a choice to give or deny; a choice to dream or not; these moments of choices are the same for you and me. it's our attitude that can affirm or deny ourselves the time and chance to make or break . . . my friend, you are not the only one who has a cross to bear. God gave us our own so that He can test and refine us according to His will and wisdom. ~('o')~ "God isn't far away. He's in every smile; in every thought that gives us hope; in every tear that waters our soul and in every moment we can't face alone. " (anonymous)

3 days 1 Sunday

two caterpillar friends had a misunderstanding. both were rushing, anticipating to turn into butterflies once the time is set. they dreamed to fly together, find the flower of their dreams, enjoy the sweetest nectar and have adventures together. but, like all silly creatures they realized that they are rushing to be “together”. they fell silent for quite sometime and caterpillar one decided to go a bit separately while thinking things through. this caterpillar almost fell off the sturdy branch that was already familiar, having tread its limbs and path with caterpillar two. finding a semblance of courage, caterpillar one decided to find caterpillar two so that they could talk things through and this is their conversation : one: hey, old friend, can we talk for a while? (offering a juicy leaf to caterpillar two) two: i think we could. what’s on your mind? (seeming sullen and distant) one: i was just thinking that things didn’t turn out well between us the past three days. two: well, what could i do? you seem to have decided to go your own way. one: i was wrong to have been silent and didn’t voice out what i was feeling. i was thinking you need some time to think too. two: you know what? while feeling sorry for myself, i was thinking during the past three days that i don’t want to care anymore. i was telling myself, “what’s the point?” “what for?” one: i am sorry to hear that i made you feel that way. that’s why you’re behaving indifferently. two: i am just sick and tired of going around in circles. what’s the point of dreaming together when we’re going to go our separate ways? one: i admit my mistake and i shouldn’t have done what i did. it was difficult for me as i feel that it was difficult for you, too. but, hey, we are friends. been friends. still friends. two: yeah, i know. you’re not just my friend. but, you’re my best friend. and that means so much to both of us. one: you were asking what’s the point? what’s the point in trying? what’s the point in caring? two: i don’t really know what to think. i don’t know. i really don’t know. (shrugging, exhausted) one: please let me help you in that. i asked myself the same question. the point is that i care, i try, you care, you try because we’re growing. we’re learning. we’re starting something. and this is already part of our adventure together. it may not be much, but it’s a start. two: i don’t want to give up and i don’t want to let our friendship go. it would be a waste if we do. all i know is that we still got things to know about each other. there’s more you want to know about me and there’s more i want to know about you, too. so, let’s just take things slow and start from the beginning. one: i agree with you. whatever it takes to keep our friendship, we’ll work it out. (smiles and grins) two: (takes hold of the juicy leaf offered by caterpillar one, grins). ok then, we’ll share. a simple talk. a simple start. and the beginning of a metamorphosis. a new leaf. a new smile. and renewed hope. as all things come and go, all things starts and ends. but, a friendship that is pure and true, lasts and lasts a whole life through . . .

once in a lifetime

it only happens once not twice, the moments vanishing like mice, scurrying past, life much too fast and only for the very brave the strong, the true and when the moment comes for you don't let it pass you by for in the twinkling of an eye the love is gone the moment dead, an empty ringing in your head your heart will know when fate has whisphered in your ear . . . oh, never fear, beloved friend for in the end, it's worth the price the fee, the cost when all is lost but love is won when true love comes, there is but one.

- danielle steel -

http://www.randomhouse.com/features/steel/profile.html

~('o')~ my mother reads danielle steel, and though not as often, i do, too. this poem she penned in one of her novels (sorry, i forgot which), has been with me for the longest time. in retrospect, i placed it here to share, and to also remind myself that my once in a lifetime has come and it is my own making for it to last even beyond the ad infinitum... _huggin_

have you asked yourself this?

"each path is only one of a million paths. therefore, you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path. if you feel that you must now follow it, you need not stay with it under any circumstances. any path is only a path. there is no affront to yourself or others in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. but your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear and ambition. i warn you: look at every path closely and deliberately. try it as many times as you think necessary. then ask yourself and yourself alone one question. it is this: does this path have a heart? all paths are the same. they lead nowhere. they are paths going through the brush or into the brush or under the brush. does this path have a heart is the only question. if it does, then the path is good. if it doesn't, it is of no use." from the book teachings according to don juan written by anthropologist carlos castaneda. "if your path is love, the goal is unimportant, the process will have heart." - leo buscaglia on the book he penned, entitled "Love" ( http://www.buscaglia.com )

~('o')~

i found buscaglia's book quite unexpectedly among many volumes at a booksale, at such time that i was yearning to find meaning, if not eloquence to a moment of "becoming", quite funny at such time that i have just changed my personal circumstances. it was that book, all in bright red, with its white letterings saying "buy me! buy me! take me with you!". and i did. i have not yet read on any further than where the "path" was discussed but, i keep coming back to it. i know there are lots more to read on... and i'm just as excited continuing as i am discovering...

in my own small way, thank you to your legacy leo f. buscaglia (1924-1998) and for echoing some of my thoughts, exactly!!! _huggin_

dare to be happy

~('o')~ dare to be happy - don't shy away, reach out and capture the joy of today! life is for living! give it a try; open your heart to that sun in the sky. dare to be loving, and trusting, and true; treasure the hours with those dear to you. dare to be kind - it's more fun than know; give joy to others, and watch your own grow. dare to admit all your blessings, and then every day count them all over again. dare to be happy, don't be afraid this is the day which the Lord hath made! helen lowrie marshall ~('o')~

things may not always go rightly or brightly, but, it takes motivating oneself, sparking up an innate enthusiam, holding on to hopes shared, staying on, giving and loving unconditionally, keeping faith with the giver of dreams . . . our lives may be afflicted with despair, sorrow, anxiety, turmoil and turbulence, but, we can look inside us and find the spark - the kindling of renewal and beginning again . . . and again . . . and again . . . ad infinitum. * _huggin_ *

when You speak

dear Lord, when was the last time we talked? when was it that i came to you like an affectionate child demanding attention? you have not forgotten. each day you hold my hand and remind me of work that needs to be done in me. this morning, you watered the earth with your tears, falling as rain. while it does not carry the violence of a raging storm, i noticed that it was just a calm, collected rain fall. like a gentle pleading, a solemn summons. while on my way out, i noticed your smile, brightly lit by the glow of the mighty sun. your wind gathers like a caress expecting the mortal to reciprocate. is it always thus that you are expressive? how wonderful it would be to gaze and marvel at your countenance?! ever expressing, continually evolving. i have not forgotten. i will look forward to another talk with you. and tonight, i will look up in awe at your big blanket of sky, hugging my soul, warming me over... i anticipate your smile in the twinkle of the stars... ~('o')~ ~('o')~ ~('o')~ let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew like showers on new grass like abundant rain on tender plants deuteronomy 32:2 ~('o')~ ~('o')~ ~('o')~

the 10th-hour miracle

"faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen." (hebrews 11:1) ~('o')~ there is only love for You that which i can give that which is the water of my existence You live for me and i, for You bless my heart, my life my soul, my friends and embrace them more with your stars ~('o')~

an ideal time

"youth is not a time of life.  it's a state of mind.  it's a temper of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions, a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over love of ease.  nobody grows old by merely living a number of years.  people grow old only by deserting thier ideals.  years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.  whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every being's heart the love of wonder, the sweet amazement at the stars and the starlike things and thoughts, the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing childlike appetite for what next and the joy of the game  of living.  you are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence; as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.  so long as your heart receives messages of beauty, cheer, courage, grandeur and power from the earth, from man and from the Infinite, so long are you young.  live everyday of your life with enthusiams!"  (gen. douglas macarthur)   http://faculty.washington.edu/kendo/macarthur.html ~('o')~ these words from a man of historical significance reminded me to look inside me and thereby find what is meaningful and childlike in me -my thoughts, my dreams, my heart, my soul.  for knowing these, i will always take with me the hope and the cheer to look forward with awe and wonder at what the future holds for me.  it may not be with clarity and certainty just yet, but knowing who holds the future and who watches over me, is perhaps, in this changing times, enough to sustain me.  the cycle of nature will go on unceasing, and time will age me, but for as long as i look up, grasp the warmth of the sunny day;  embrace the blessings of rain; stare in amazement at the stars, and fill my heart with love and faith, i will always be young . . .  _huggin_

so close

i can do everything through Him who gives me strength! (philippians 4:13) a simple gratitude for the grace and mercy of a loving God ...  today, He watered the day with rain ... and He  warmed my day with the sudden appearance of sun ...  no matter, the weather, He is always there.   ~('o')~          ~('o')~          ~('o')~   hold me close let Your love surround me bring me near draw me to Your side and as i wait, i rise up like the eagle and i will soar with You your spirit moves me on by the power of Your love http://www.geoffbullock.com   ~('o')~          ~('o')~          ~('o')~   so close, i believe You're holding me now in Your hands, i belong You'll never let me go   ~('o')~          ~('o')~          ~('o')~   is He not strong enough? is He not pure enough? to break  me, pour me out and start again is He not brave enough? to take one chance on me   ~('o')~          ~('o')~          ~('o')~   inspired through the worship services at http://www.crossroad77.com/

desiderata

an inspiring insight on life and living - penned by Max Ehrmann, copyright 1952.  ( http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html )  in a time of hurting and healing, this reminds me of the days of youth and the ideals that were formed at that stage in life.  i am posting this as a reminder to all that we must nourish our ideals while living in the light of reality that is meaningful and true.  go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.  as far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.  speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others; even to the dull and ignorant;  they too have their story.  avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.  if you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.  enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.  keep interested in your own career, however humble, it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.  exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.  but, let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.  be yourself.  especially do not feign affection.  neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.  take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.  nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.  but do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.  many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.  beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle yourself.  you are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.  and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.  therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.  and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.  with all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  be cheerful.  strive to be happy.

yours alone

in whose arms
i fall
in whose arms
i soar
in whose arms
lay my warmth
my bliss
my peace
in whose arms
my heart choose
to call
enough to fly
to defy
and to rise and rise

in whose arms
i have known
a solemn gentleness
in whose arms
i am loved
and enfolded in
absolute tenderness

in whose arms
i run to
and flee to
in whose arms
the greatest space
i ever found
in whose arms
i gave my one
and all

in yours
and
yours alone . . .

< feeling blue >

i could laugh, sing and dance, but it would only be you i'm looking at.  the face in the mirror whose eyes are filled with sadness and secrets, but, one i'm most familiar with.  to say that i know you, the whole of you is an understatement.  needing further dialogue and a play of words.  many centuries may have passed and i know you still because you are the silent rhythm to an elusive dream.  lofty ideals have made you a cause to live for and a hunger to die for.  yet, despite knowing, i will not claim you.  only you can decide how far i would go.  kill me with your patient thought and drown me in a river of song, but i'd still be wandering in a field of dreams with no warmth except your own. you and i exist with a galaxy between us but, i believe the earth can't spin correctly if your heart and mine do not link inexplicably.

a paean to the sky

(i) you mirrored my thoughts my changes . . . and your mind is my wings i drew your constellations for to sing in the light of your grandness i sought again your peace long since mine (ii) you echoed my laughter as you reached out to my mind and kissed the silent transcendence of my eyes   in solemn celebration to the big blanket of sky God gave to warm us over.  often reminds me that the darker the night, the brighter the stars ... -k10-

writing red

broken red on hand, pastel blue on my mind - this seeking is endless like i'm inside an elemental unindexed file.  intangible in your perception.  frosted thoughts through a looking glass.  i pause. prodded on by the momentum, the broken red continues to write on.  its white covering leaden feelings.  allowing only undiminished thinking.  my musings are my heart and i wander endlessly, i know i must get hold of myself.  take control and begin again. . . the elements around me swirling... colliding... mingling... emerging... my need for solace is a hunger in itself.  and it must be fed, or soon i'd wither...   as flowers bloom, nourished deep in the roots, tended by sun and rain,  so am i.

alive!

a measured time, unparalled view
quandary of unspoken emotions
only for you

i exhale.

an unfathomed distance, the great divide
plethora of adjectives, my admiration
the constellation, my solemn guide

i inhale.

a minute of recall and remembrance
is eternity for me
knowing that i'm thought of
with kindness
is inspiration enough to
make me, as strong as i'll ever be

i breathe.

and i'm so very much alive!

emergence

i recall these paragraph, from a long-ago article i've read and re-read: (how i wish i could have written one as poignant as this!)


".. my inner life has seen such a succession of transformations that, although painful, confusing & terrifying, have made my being all the more profound, and receptive to my own spirit. my elements have changed. i'm less fire, more water and air. the flood of sorrow calms, the wind moves silently over the surface and i guess i'm waiting to wash up on land, and finally get my footing. and in this watery silence and time of reflection i hear the whisphers clearer than ever, like heartbeats in the womb, foretelling emergence. " (breathing space)


the sense of emergence is as scintillating and exhilarating to me as the man who holds my hand gently and keeps me warm in his heart.

oh, the rush!

[culled from an old memory; a fragment of thought;
a sliver of excitement; a momentary gladness!
-still an original work!- k10]


walking towards the door,
way past the darkened corridors
excited with the feel of natural light
no emotion, no wisdom, no vision of sight

i pushed past the structure of glass
stepped outside, with
a sense of gladness
known to me, the wind was already blowing

oh, the rush! swiftly it came,
revolving around me
swirling, caressing,
i felt the need to embrace it
knowing the happiness that
comes with being free
surprisingly, it took hold of me

and in a blink, i found myself
dancing in its invisible rhythm
the wind is a kisser and a lover of spirit
oh, the rush! i never want it to pass

this day on, every small step,
every breath i take
makes living, makes being alive
worth much more than whatever can hurt

. . .

this instant is what’s real,

this moment is all i feel

< warmth >

warmth is a residence of the heart and when that fire burns within its walls, it channels an energy that both heals and binds . . . what could be the warmest place on earth?

a happy and contented heart
a peaceful soul
a quiet wisdom
sunshine painted on a friend's smile
a hand to hold all through life's viccissitudes
a warmth to hug and call your own
a humanity that truly feels
a listening ear, receptive and open
laughter echoing through our mind's corners long after we have extinguished it
a dream that we can shape and mold
unconditional love and acceptance
an acoustic hymn that lives on


to borrow my best friend's words, he once told me that :

" people warm themselves to a different fire . . . " - dsDarkAngel -

our own fire. our own drive. our own passions. we must feed it with fervor,
to eventually satiate a human hunger. to channel that fire, we must create warmth and impart it on.

incessantly Pleasant

incessant, the rain poured on
my thoughts purely pleasant
[cuddling my pillows]
~ with memories of you ~

alas! the weekend has passed
ephemeral, it did not last
now, i look forward to another
possibly, with you and me
together

[laughing out loud]
all the cares of yesterday
a pleasant past
today, we'll just make
~ the moments last ~

[hugging my thoughts]
anticipating
excitedly
wanting

~ to see you ~

better again!

thursday rain was an absolute torrent. i didn't mind.
my steps were steady as i walked towards the way to home.
though alone, i suddenly felt someone was holding my umbrella
for me. great! for the next unfolding seconds, i
didn't mind if i was halfway getting wet, i steadied my pace
& found myself,

dancing in the rain . . . happens all the time.

there's something about the rain that cleanses. and
eventually, heals. worries & heartaches are gone,
the moment rain starts to fall . . .

as if my own tide of emotions are cascading down.
there are no tears. just the solemn thought that -

i am better again . . .

awakening from winter

a cold chill
no longer felt
but the icy clutches
left my spirits
soaking wet

my musings
are evasive
and helplessly
unending

shifting from what is now
intermingling
with the
long shadows
of yesterday
halfway
chasing what will be

a part cries out of me
struggling

wanting to be free

for thee

his echo, i am not. his laughter, i am not. his glory, i am not. his joy and gladness, i am not. his tears and sorrow, i am. though he knows me, my totality; and despite my waywardness, he keeps me. and in the light of his mercy, he does understand me. his silence i can feel around me... it resonates deeply.

i am capable of love. this he knows. but, am i worth his pain?

there is a reason for his silence and he wants me to see for myself what had been enslaving me. i long for him to stand up, reprimand me and loudly tell me to correct my ways. but, he does not.

it is his gentleness that now haunts me.